we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
