the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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