Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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