i was rollin on her like bob the builder
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
