He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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