Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
