R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
