I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
