My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize