Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
