Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
