check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
