3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
just tell him i said nine months
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
