Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
