dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
