im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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