Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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