kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
