My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
