If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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