We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
