I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
