I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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