Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
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