period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
