so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
