its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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