he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
