I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
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