Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
