Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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