i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
