girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
