He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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