Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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