Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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