I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
