toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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