apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
