He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
