i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Are my feet made of real feet?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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