some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
