i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
