Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
