Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
