Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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