Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.