he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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