i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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