Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize