I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
