You don't have asthma, your pregnant
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
50% drunk capacity currently
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
