U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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