I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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