I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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