I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
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its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think I sprained my soul last night
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
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So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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