also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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