and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
