White coat. Heels.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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