i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
