I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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