Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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