I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
