If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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