have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
