I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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