All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
