Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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