but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
