you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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