She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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