I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
