I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Did I show you my penis last night?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
