my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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