We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
