Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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