ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
